Relationships matter

There is a lot to consider when thinking about separation. Most important is how the new arrangements will affect your children. You are likely to be feeling strong emotions and it may be hard to not be swayed by these. CAFCASS gives you the chance to think through the practical arrangements you will need to make, and will help you stay focused on making decisions in the best interests of your children.

CAFCASS has different online tools to help you during and after your separation and in making arrangements for your children. Their Parenting Plan which both parents can use, and advice about mediation options are designed to help separating parents come to agreements without needing to use the court system. It also has advice on how to reassure your children, who are likely to be feeling upset and anxious, and take some time to really listen to them about what they need.

It is almost always in a child’s best interest to maintain contact with both parents. It is important that you do not seek to punish your ex-partner by denying them contact with their children. This is unless of course there are concerns that the children would not be safe.

Safety concerns

If you are concerned that your children are not safe with your ex-partner or other family member, it is your responsibility to take protective action. This may include -

• stopping your children from seeing your ex-partner, or other family members, where there is a risk to your child’s safety
• asking somebody neutral to help with handovers
• asking for handovers to take place away from the home address
• asking for communication to be kept to arrangements for your children
• limiting communicating to text messages
• using a child contact centre which provide supervised and supported contact. There are often costs involved

For further advice -

• AdviceNow has survival guides on the issues you need to understand when separating or getting divorced
• Resolution family justice professionals work to resolve family issues in a constructive way that considers the needs of the whole family
• Family Lives' advice on whether to split up or stay together
• government advice on sorting out the legal side of separation
• Family mediation is less stressful than going to court and is usually quicker and cheaper
• Relate's help for when you decide to separate with your partner. Relate has new A.I. tools for clearer communication between co-parents 

Relate have just launched 3 new A.I. tools and a service finder tool for parents and professionals. They are available at we can Relate to parental conflict  The Relate policy team monitor the AI bots. On this web page co-parents will find -

• Relate-Bot provides expert co-parenting advice and practical support, along with recommendations to relevant articles, books, and online resources
• ‘In-the-middle-bot’ offers valuable insights into a child's perspective across various co-parenting scenarios, helping parents to see through the child’s eyes, leading to informed decisions which put their child’s needs first
• Sounding-board bot helps co-parents write text and email messages to each other, which require sensitivity. It analyses language to suggest clearer, more empathetic wording, reducing the risk of miscommunication or increased conflict